Sample Rite of Passage

The Day Preparation

The day began early with an 1.5 hour drive to Mt. Cheaha.  I purposefully did not tell him where we were going, why we were going there, or what he should expect.  However, several weeks in advance, I did ask him to block off all day Friday and Saturday from 4:00pm onward.  Once we were in the car I outlined the day and explained that we would be preparing for a council conversation with other men the following night.  I handed him the “Core Message” sheets and we discussed each as drove.  I reiterated the purpose was to prepare him for the council the next day.  I was able to ask questions and offer applications.  

Arrivng at the Chinnebee Silent trail parking lot, we hiked through the Turnip Seed campground to the creek at the base of the mountain.  When we reached the creek, I stopped.  “I can’t go any farther.  You are on your own from this point forward.”  I gave him instructions about how I wanted him to spend the day, outline the trail markers, and the spot I wanted him to visit.  He was to be back down the mountain at 3:30.   (A great scripture to read at this point would have been Luke 4:1-13) 

During his solo hike I asked him not to engage his phone.  I did have him leave it on so he could call if he needed help.  Otherwise, it was a digital free day.  The purpose was to digest the material for himself and have a solitary day of preparation.  

At 3:30 he returned.   On the drive back home I asked him to walk me through his own thoughts, essentially serving as a “mock council.”  I did not provide nearly as much guidance, but allowed him to tell me his thoughts. 

The day ended with a meal and some light hearted conversation.  By the time we were done I was confident that Cooper was ready.

The Dinner

I invited four men who know Cooper and are a part of his life on a regular basis.  We gathered at a friend's house for dinner.   Once seated at the dinner table I asked Cooper to share about the previous day.  I invited the men to ask questions, offer their own reflections, and share experiences.  I also invited Cooper to ask the men any questions that he may have for them.  This time was less formalized, but was still intentionally spent.  

After dinner we had a fire pit already burning and I asked Cooper to come out with me.  I gave him the lyrics to the song, “You’ll Find Your Way” by Andrew Peterson.  I explained why I wanted him to listen to this song, handed him my phone with some earbuds (I wanted it to be immersive) and went back inside to meet with the other dads.  

Sitting down with the fathers, I explained the flow of the night clearly.  Each man was to take a “chip” that had engraved a “Core Message” and scripture.  I let each man choose the attribute he preferred.  I gave each man a copy of the blessing I had written for Cooper. We agreed on the order and all walked out together to meet with Cooper.  

The Council

I read the verse, “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.” 1 Corinthians 13:11.  I then explained to Cooper how the council would flow.  

From that point, each man asked Cooper about the chip he was responsible for.   Cooper responded with his thoughts.  The men each offered input and guidance.  Once each man was satisfied with Cooper’s response, he handed him his chip.  Once all of the chips were earned we gathered around Cooper and anointed his forehead with oil, read the blessing I had written, then prayed a prayer over him.  

As a final symbol of remembrance, I gave him a ring with a compass on the top.

At the end, we stood, congratulated, hugged, affirmed Cooper, and ate a delicious chocolate cake!

Final Reflections

This was a remarkably powerful experience for everyone involved.  Cooper was definitely moved and impacted, but so was each of the man.  Personally, I found myself simultaneously overwhelmed with gratitude and absolutely exhausted spiritually and emotionally.  One of my key take aways was that I had to FULLY EMBRACE my role as GUIDE.  It was my responsibility to offer a framework during both days, keeping the conversation on track.  I had to beware of the tendency to lighten the mood and talk about things other than what needs to be focused on.  But, I knew this had to be a different time and space in Cooper’s life.  In the end, I can’t imagine having spent this year any better.  Was the year perfect?  Nope.  Was it powerful? Absolutely.