How to Find Your True Grit

Have you ever started something and not quite finish it?  Have you ever struggled to stay focused on a single task or goal?  What keeps a person focused and committed in the face of adversity? 

In the movie True Grit Maddie, a young teenage girl, sets out to avenge her father's death.   The murderer, Tom Chaney, has vanished and "no one could be bothered to care."    We are initially led to believe Maddie is searching for a person to find Chaney and bringing him to justice.  In actuality she is looking for a person who will match her passion and commitment.  Ultimately, she finds Marshall Cogburn.  But, he is not going for her, he's joining her!   Why is Maddie so driven?   Justice for her father.  So, beyond just being a great movie, is there anything we can apply to our own lives  for our own lives?  

Two words.  Vision and Purpose.  Maddie constantly imagined bringing Chaney to justice and kept that purpose constantly in front of her.  

In his work "Man's Search for Meaning," Victor Frankl unpacks the idea of perseverance by recounting his experience of surviving Auschwitz.  Frankl suggests that humanity's deepest desire is to find meaning and, if we find it, we can survive anything.  He goes on to propose we find meaning through three basic avenues: work, love, and suffering.  

The purpose of this series has been to explore the intersection of Talents, Awareness and Grit.  As I reflect on these intersections, I'm drawn to the idea that we must identify and attach our lives to a purpose beyond ourselves; that the work we do is making a difference, that our loved ones need us, and the challenges we face offer a greater meaning to our lives.  In all of our diversity and differences, we all search for good work.  We each have a deep need to love and be loved.  We all experience pain.   

When we are cognizant of the opportunities and needs around us we become aware.  When we articulate how we have been gifted to best respond to those opportunities and needs, we are able to engage our talents.  When we connect those opportunities and talents to a larger purpose and meaning, our ability to persevere will increase exponentially.  

Here are a few next steps to make these ideas come to life!

In Your Personal Life: 

1. Identify one area of your work that makes a difference in world.  Write it on a 3x5 Card and put it somewhere you can see it throughout the day.
2. Write a letter, email, or text to someone you love.  Tell them at least one thing you are grateful for.  
3. Identify an area of suffering in your life?  How has it changed you?  How could you grow from this experience?    

In Your Organization: 

1. Identify at least one way your organization is improving the lives of people.
2. Find a clear way to communicate this impact to your team and invite them to celebrate!

Success: Three Questions to Know Your Talents

Often times your success hinges on the ability to correctly perceive opportunities, understand your core talents, and persevere in the face of adversity.    We'll be exploring these intersections in the coming weeks.  Here are our working definitions and previous post.    

Awareness: The ability to perceive your surroundings correctly.

Talents: A skill set you've been given and hone over years of practice. 

Grit: Your resolve and strength of character to persevere in the face of resistance.

As you become aware of opportunities, you must then ask, "Is this opportunity for me?  Is this my work to do?"  One of the key components to answering these questions is clarity on your unique talents.  This allows you to identify your unique areas of contribution.  In addition, when talents go unused they stagnate and wither.  So, in order to live with focus rather than frenzy and keep your talents alive and active, you must clearly articulate what you do well.  

Here are two sets of questions that will help move you toward a greater understanding of your core talents.  

In Your Personal Life: 

1. Thinking back through your life story, what are three responsibilities and successes you have had that stand out?
2. What is something you absolutely love to do?
3. When your friends describe you, what are some of the key words they use?

What trends or patterns begin to emerge?  Are there any overlapping concepts or ideas that could be written as actions or skills?  

In Your Organization: 

1. How is your organization known?  In every field there are core competencies.  Beyond these, what abilities make your team stand out? 
2. Where has your team seen success? How can you focus on these and leverage them to a greater degree? 
3. Who on your team, if given the chance, do you believe could rise to a new level of contribution?  Identify a specific responsibility and offer them the opportunity to grow?  

The Most Common Mistake In Your Life

If you've ever found  yourself wondering, "Why am I in this job?" or "What's next?", then you're not alone.  Here's why: most people lack the specific clarity needed to live powerful, intentional lives.  As a result, they spend their lives reacting to circumstances and opportunities rather than living towards a clear purpose and goal.  In fact, in the face of uncertainty, the default setting is to allow other people or circumstances to determine their future.  

To keep this from happening most people read the first chapter of a book on "decision making" and believe they've addressed the problem.  Others simply busy themselves with the "urgent" tasks of life, hoping things will work out in the end.  But, these strategies are fundamentally flawed.  At best, the world is indifferent to your success and thriving.  At worst, it's actively seeking to hold you back.  Half-hearted efforts and hoping for the best just won't work.

The truth is that if you don't do anything this pattern will lead you further and further from the place you want to be.  You can't leave your life decisions up to other people and circumstances.  But, living differently than most people does not just happen.  It takes intention and design.

• Imagine starting next year with a clear vision of what you were created to do.
• Imagine having energizing, affirming conversations while discovering your unique contributions and potential for life.
• Imagine a retreat, a gift of time that allows you to press pause on the rush of daily life and breathe.
• Imagine you are equipped to love your family well, engage your work with enthusiasm, and live your your life with hope and clarity. 

Imagine...

Building a Habit

The purpose of this series is to help you to gain clarity and forward momentum towards a goal in your life, rather than staying stuck in the world of imagined ideas and good intentions.  Here's where we stand. 

• Step 1:  Start with your Why
• Step 2: Gain Clarity  
• Step 3: Create a pathway
• Step 4: Build a Habit
• Step 5:  Face the Brutal Facts
• Step 6: Bring in others for accountability and celebration

Step 4: Build a Habit

Driverless cars are going to be amazing.  Imagine summoning a car from your phone.  A pilotless vehicle arrives, you step in and the journey begins.  Along the way you are able to have focused conversation with friends or intently work on a project.  As you exit, the car automatically closes the door and silently drives away.  You've safely arrived at your destination, but didn't need to think about how you got there.  Sign me up!  

Habits function in much the same way.  You know where you need to go.  You've identified the pathway.  Now, you need to summon a driverless car to take you there.  That's what habits do.  They dramatically reduce the cognitive and emotional load of making decisions and creating action.  There's tons of science and behavioral studies to back this up.  

Truthfully, we build habits all the time.  The question is whether our habits are helping or hurting us.   Here are three simple, but transformative steps you can take to intentionally create a purposeful habit. Pen! Paper! Let's give it a go!

1) Identify a cue: What will trigger this habit?  Imagine kicking a small pebble holding a huge bolder bolder in place.  Kicking the pebble is the cue.  Once the cue occurs, the process begins to move with its own inertia. 

2) Create the response: Write down one thing that, if done on a regular basis, would move you closer to your goal.  Think in terms of small, incremental steps.  You will be astonished at what can be accomplished by "putting something on the table everyday."  To quote Bill Gates,  “Most people overestimate what they can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in ten years.”

3) The Reward: How will you reward yourself for accomplishing the response?  It doesn't have to be a huge deal, but it should be something you really enjoy!

After you've written out your responses to these three prompts, commit to trying to build the habit for two weeks.  I'm willing to bet you'll be glad you did!

Okay, I've got to go.  My car just arrived.

Find Your "Why"

Near the turn of the twentieth century The Central Leather Company was the 17th largest company in the United States.   Today, the company is gone.  Why?  It didn't anticipate the implications of the Ford Automobile.  The Central Leather Company made buggy whips and saddles.

It's easy to become focused on the "what" and the "how."  But, unless you understand the "why" you will lose the ability to adapt.  If The Central Leather Company would have framed their business as, "We help transport people because humans thrive when we connect" rather than, "We make buggy whips and saddles" they may have been able to navigate the dramatic changes of the early twentieth century.

The same can be true for each of us as well.  What is the deeper "why" of your daily life?  Why are you a student?  Why do you work at your job? Why are you in ministry?  Why are are you a father or mother?

Take a moment and think through an important area of your life.  The following prompts are designed to help you find your "Why" rather than the "What" and the "How."  Once you have clarity you'll be more equipped to navigate the future with grace and hope.  Respond to the following prompts.

An important area of my life is:

It's important because:

Now take this answer and drill down by asking yourself "why" at least three times to each consecutive answer.   Once you get to the deeper layers you're starting to uncover the deeper "why" of your actions.  What do you learn?

We Long Our Way Through Life

On a cool November morning in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania  Abraham Lincoln stepped up on a makeshift wooden platform, pulled a speech from his hat and spoke these words, "...It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us...that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom --- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth."  At that moment he was surrounded by war, death and dissension.  

One hundred years later, in the shadow of Lincoln's memorial, Martin Luther King Jr., thundered, "I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers."  Many considered his dream a fantasy.

As Lincoln rode on the train towards Gettysburg, he gathered words from decades of struggle and thousands of faces, scribbled them down and deposited them into his tall, black, felt-lined hat.  MLK chiseled his words from granite, a lifetime of racism and oppression of a soul that longed for more.

James K.A. Smith wrote, "We long our way through life."   We live in a present that is not as it should be.  But, when we dare to quiet our minds and still our hearts, we know in subterranean ways there is more goodness to be found.  So, we keep looking.  We keep working to clear the barnacles and encrustations of life that threaten to cover the gleam of a hoped for future. 

Each time we teach our children, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" we step onto the wooden platform with Lincoln.  When we pray, "Your Kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven" we join hands with Reverend King and acknowledge the world is not as it should be. 

What is a longing in your life?  

Take the next four minutes and still yourself.  Turn off your phone.  Forget the news cycle.  Be still and listen for the longing in your life.  

If a bit of guidance would be helpful, think of your life in concentric circles.  You/Your Family/Your Community/The World. Pick one of these areas and focus on it over the next moments. 

Once you've finished, write down one step you can take today to make your longing a reality.  

The Master Class

We sat down fifteen feet away from twin Steinways.  A young, petite woman in a black lace dress sat at one, an older gentleman with wild hair, a blue vest and impressive cufflinks at the other.  She began to play Schumann's Piano Sonata in F#minor Op. 11.  As the final movement ended the room filled with applause. Her performance was fantastic.  

Then he began to quietly speak.  

He asked her to play the beginning of the first movement again.  As she did he began to gently coach her, to draw out music that was not there before.  He didn't use musical terms to guide her; they were both beyond the music on the page.  "You must have a third ear listening in the balcony.  Play to that ear."  "The piano is an imperfect instrument, so we must fool ourselves and play what isn't there." My favorite was, "We all have our missed notes, but this piece invites danger."  

When she played it was beautiful.  When he played it felt transcendent.  

He was a master.  The music was in his DNA.  Over the decades it had seeped down to the mitochondrial level.  At this depth of knowledge he was able to rearrange the soul of the piece and bring new life to already beautiful art. 

Not everyone makes beautiful music, but we are all called to make our world a better and more beautiful place.

Take a moment and think through your response to these prompts.  Write down your thoughts.

1. One way I can improve my craft is __________________. 
2. One step I can take to do so is ____________________.
3. A Master I can seek out for guidance is ___________________.  
4. Who can I gently coach and help bring out what they did not know was there?

Roger's Letter

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David Williamson

Magical Moments are rare, it's one of the reasons we find them magical.  

This past week, quite unexpectedly, I found myself in middle of an inspiring, beautiful, and magical moment.   I'm currently teaching a class in London and, as part of the class, invited our neighbor, Roger Williamson, to help lead the discussion.  During his time with us he read a letter his father, David Williamson, wrote to his godson, Neil Scott Piercy, in 1942.  The letter was to be opened on Neil's 16th birthday, May 15th, 1958.   As he read, the class was silent and transfixed.  For me, everything paused as I listened to Roger's deep voice and flowing English accent bring his father's words to life.

I invite you to pause your day for 20 minutes and listen.  I invite you listen to this voice speak wisdom into your life from across time. 

I should point out that in 1942 the future of our world was still very much  in question.  Also, no Williamson male had lived past 45, so David was doubtful he would live to see his godson's 16th birthday.  He passed away seven years later in 1949.  

I'm am grateful to Roger for allowing me to share this letter with you.  I hope you find it as magical as I did. 

Surrender

The Path of God...only with a leap from the lion's head will he prove his worth - Indiana Jones, The Last Crusade

It's one of the iconic movie scenes from my teenage years.  Indiana Jones, in an attempt to save his dying father, must journey through three trials.  The first two test his knowledge and humility.  But the last and most difficult challenges his faith.  He must cross a deep gorge to save his dying father, but there is no bridge.  He is out of options and out of time.   Fear fills his face. His eyes dart side to side and then an epiphany happens.   His countenance transforms and with a sense of calmness he puts his hand over his heart, lifts his left leg straight out and falls forward into the void.  

Ultimately, Indy came to a point of surrender.  It took him a lifetime of work to get to the edge of the cliff.  But, his talent and knowledge could take him no further.  He had to surrender. 

An antinomy is a statement that contains two different and opposite laws or truths.  Freedom is an antinomy.  If you want to be free you must first surrender.

If you believe that your life was created with a purpose and for a reason, then it makes sense to give that life back to the one who created it.  But, we instinctively hold on and want to keep our lives within controlled parameters, to protect what we perceive to be ours.  But, it's not until we fully surrender, until we fall forward into the void, that we are able to live fully into the purpose for which we were created.  

Everyone comes to the cliff's edge, when their talents and resources can take them no further.  In that moment, with your eyes darting back and forth there is an invitation, an invitation to Surrender.  

Put Me In Coach!

When Alabama wins a championship people across the state go nuts.  The city of Tuscaloosa shuts down.   People in the stands are jubilant.  The football team runs across the field screaming hugging anyone in sight.  Nick Saban, the head coach, claps his hands a few times, jogs across the field, congratulates the other coach and then begins to prepare for the next year.  When interviewed he will typically respond, "I'm just so proud of the team.  They persevered and came through with a great win against a great team."  Ironically, the person who has the most responsibility for the championship title is, at least outwardly, taking the least credit.  That's because he's the coach and he understands his role.  

Here are three lessons from coaching to help move you down the field.

1. A coach has a clear vision of where the team needs to go and how they will get there.  Do you have a clear understanding of where the people around you are heading?  Where does your family need to be this time next year?  Do you have a plan to help guide them down that pathway?
2. A coach has mastered the game.  Have you done the work of knowing yourself, of facing your own issues?  Do you have something to offer others?  You cannot give water to thirsty people if you don't have a well from which to draw.
3. Your greatest success is when others succeed.  This seems counterintuitive, but the most fulfilling and life-giving experience you can have is to help those around you become who they were created to be.   Imagine a world in which everyone helped each other reach their greatest potential!